“Worries about a daughter do not let her father sleep at night. When she is a young girl, he worries she will not marry. When she’s married, he fears she will not have children.” (Sanhedrin 100b)

This quote from the Gemarah shows that the scholars of the Talmud believed that women find fulfillment as their roles as wives and mothers. Failure to marry or inability to have children undermines their self esteem and self worth. This is compounded by parents and friends’ worries and concerns as their loved ones deal with the emotional rollercoaster of infertility.

Respect Privacy

While some couples may feel at ease discussing every nuance of their treatment plan, it is essentially a very private matter. It is advisable for friends and family to avoid such awkward questions such as “Did you have sex last night?” or the equally intrusive “Did conception take place?”. Couples undergoing infertility treatments have to deal with probing questions asked by their doctor and his assistants. Such queries into their most intimate part of their life is difficult, but they are part of the path towards a goal. Loved ones need not add to this often demeaning experience.

Equally important is the avoidance of suggesting different treatment plans. Even relating information read on the internet, newspaper or other media should be presented to the infertile couple sparingly and gently. Always respect the couple’s right to decide what course they will pursue.

Fertility therapies come with a prohibitive price tag and insurance companies battle against paying for what they deem non-essential treatments. At an A Torah Infertility Medium of Exchange (A TIME) conference, Rabbi Dr. Aaron Twerski advised anyone who wished to show their infertile loved ones how much he or she cared about their predicament should write a check and not demand to know on which therapies it was spent.