Is A Rabbi Needed at A Funeral Rabbi as Teacher
Jewish law specifies no need for a rabbi at a funeral, yet they are often present. The funeral and mourning process call for rabbis to act in the truest definition of their title: rabbi as teacher
Rabbis can explain the numerous burial and mourning traditions. If the family or others wish to participate in the funeral, inform the rabbi, who will accommodate your requests in the spirit of the simple, unpretentious Jewish funeral.
Where to Find a Rabbi
Hospital chaplains, hospice workers and retirement home directors can often supply names of rabbis who are available for funerals.
Simple Kosher Caskets
In Jewish tradition, a gleaming casket is not the mark of or payback for a life well lived. Simple wooden caskets - the least expensive “kosher” casket (as funeral directors call them) - are the traditional Jewish choice. Even plastic caskets, often less expensive than wooden ones, fit in with the Jewish desire to avoid burying the money that could be used to help others.
Israeli Casket Customs
Israeli burial authorities, who are Orthodox, forgo caskets and bury men wrapped in a prayer shawl and women in a special cloth. Reed mats are often placed on the floor of the grave. On a secular kibbutz, the practice may vary.
Placing Items in the Casket
The Reform Movement is of the opinion that rings, glasses, and other belongings that were the daily wear or favorite of the deceased may be included in the casket. Including a prayer shawl in the burial wear is traditional. A kippa, the customary Jewish skullcap, is not part of the burial tradition because shrouds included a head covering. If adding a kippa comforts the mourners, it should be used.
Other favored items that were not used daily like a kiddush cup or candelabra are not normally included.
Timing of the Funeral
In Deuteronomy 21:23, Jewish courts were instructed to bury executed criminals before nightfall. Reasoning that the average person deserves at least as much respect as the most heinous lawbreaker, the sages created the Jewish tradition of expediting burial.
Another reason for this tradition is the shiva mourning period begins after the interment. Since shiva brings comfort to the mourners, the burial is held as soon as possible. Undue haste is not necessary. Family and friends should have time to gather. Usually the burial is held within two or three days and rarely on Jewish holidays and never on Shabbat.
Eulogy Writing a Eulogy
“And Sarah died in Kiryat Arba, which is Hebron, in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to eulogize Sarah and to weep for her.” (Genesis 23:2) Some cite this verse as a source for the Jewish tradition of saying a few words of tribute at a funeral.
Family members and friends come forward to deliver eulogies. Never an easy task (how do you sum up a life in a few minutes?) the best guideline is loving sincerity. Eulogies are not the time to assert this person had attained perfection or to damn him or her for missing the mark. Truth is somewhere in between, with memories and forgiveness.
Preparing a Rabbi for a Eulogy
Often the rabbi will want to say a few words. To prepare the rabbi for the eulogy, take a moment to get your thoughts in order. Jot down good qualities, family relationships, and jobs. Include educational background and the deceased’s relationship with Judaism. Find special moments: a memory of Israel, a quip at a bar mitzvah. Specifics will keep platitudes and exaggeration in check.
Clue the rabbi in to any particular dislike of religion or in family life so the rabbi can paint a true picture. (Tell the rabbi about a divorce, for example, so the rabbi doesn’t mention love for the children’s mother, if the father spent years battling her in court.)
A case for preparing the rabbi: A well-meaning rabbi was to speak at the funeral of a woman he only encountered once – when she had some unflattering remarks about his sermon. Searching for something, anything, to say, he began, “Well, she was certainly a nice dresser.”
Flower Free Funerals Funeral Flowers, Not a Jewish Tradition?
Fragrant blooms, once associated with pagan death rites, were used to camouflage the scent of decay – an unnecessary measure for timely Jewish burials. Modern post-mortem practices have eliminated the need for covering up off odors. Flowers, while not part of the Jewish tradition, should be gracefully accepted and mourners may display them.
Gravesite Plantings
Uniform grave markers and plantings are a laudable way to blur the distinction between rich and poor at the cemetery. Plantings should be kept within the general custom of the cemetery, and their upkeep should not place a burden on the survivors.
The Funeral Service Processional
Never is a Jew alone. Loving arms carry a baby to the brit mila, circumcision, and brit hachayim, covenant of life. Reassuring hands guide a bride and groom to the chupa, marriage canopy. So too, in death. Accompanying the deceased closes the circle of a Jewish life.
At some funerals, the immediate family and the rabbi walk behind the pallbearers as they carry the casket from the hearse to the grave.
Where to Hold the Service
No specific place is hallowed exclusive for a funeral service. It may take place at home, in a funeral home, at a cemetery chapel, graveside, or in the synagogue with the ritual committee’s permission. If the only place for a funeral service is a non-Jewish chapel, some cover up the non-Jewish symbols before the service begins.
Funeral Liturgy
There is no fixed funeral service in Jewish liturgy, although guidelines have been written into the rabbi’s handbook. Psalms and biblical readings make up the brief service. Psalm 23 (“The Lord is my Shepherd”) is a chief choice. The Mourner’s Kaddish is recited at the service’s close.
The Memorial Prayer - El Maleh Rahamim
The El Maleh Rahamim “God is filled with mercy” memorial prayer is often chanted toward the end of the funeral. The prayer that asks that the deceased be given rest and peace is chanted in Hebrew while the congregation stands. Ask the cantor or rabbi to include an English translation if you wish.
Why Jews Don’t View the Body
A funeral honors a body for its past function, because it once housed a personality and spirit. Jewish tradition does not promote pre-funeral visitation or an open casket, because the physical body is but a shell and not the person who was loved. However, as a primary concern is providing comfort for the mourners, they may choose a private viewing.
